Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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