when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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