I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
