Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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