smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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