I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
