She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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