Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
