Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
