I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
