i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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