why didn't you poke me back
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
