do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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