you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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