No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
