census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
