Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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