well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
