i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
