Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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