Rock
Scissors
Fuck
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
