By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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