we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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