I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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