His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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