Umm I'm too high to move.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
