i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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