I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Randomize
