Got a toothbrush?
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
