no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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