her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
