Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
