You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
