a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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