I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
