I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
