I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
