I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Randomize
