sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
