Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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