Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
