went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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