I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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