look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
false alarm, still single
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
