why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
it hurts more in the daytime
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
