well I can't set my house on fire every night
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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