took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You took a bar mat shot.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
