We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
