I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
