Where is the hickey?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
