I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
