I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
